Lasers and Feelings

by The Doubleclicks

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about

During the summer of 2008, I was living in a house near my college campus with a vegan, an artist, and an Alaskan. I was working two IT jobs, and I had a lot of feelings. My sister had just moved to Portland from our hometown outside Boston, and she was playing her cello at open mics all around the city. As everyone's uncle often says, there is always room for cello--and that is more true in Portland than anywhere else.

Aubrey encouraged me to set my feelings to music, and I did. Over the next couple years, I encountered a terrible British guy, I broke up with a poet, and I fell in love, finally, over a game of Dungeons and Dragons... And out of those songs The Doubleclicks was born.

We have toured, made CDs, and done some of those "actual band" things like making music videos and taking photos of ourselves in a field. And in your hand is another one of those "actual band" things: we wrote new songs, some nerdy, some funny, and some (gasp) about feelings, and we set them to music. Music: With A Full Band!

With great sound comes great responsibility, and we have to thank the awesome producer, musicians, engineers and others who made this album possible and patiently dealt with We Internet Musicians and Our Weird Needs. We also would like to thank Mom Doubleclick (aka Mamaclick) for hosting and feeding all of us. Mamaclick makes wonderful chocolate cake, you guys. It's delicious.

We also want to sincerely thank you: the listeners, the concert hosts, the Internet friends & the collaborators for being such a huge and important part of the Doubleclicks project.

We will see you on the Internet!!
Angela (and Aubrey) Webber
The Doubleclicks

credits

released 09 July 2013
LASERS AND FEELINGS was produced by The Doubleclicks and Stephen Webber in 2013.

All lyrics and music by Angela Webber and Aubrey Webber, except:
Something Else (Lyrics by Angela Webber, Music by Aubrey, Angela and Stephen Webber), and The Mystery's Gone (Lyrics by Angela Webber, Music by Angela, Aubrey and Stephen Webber)
The songs were arranged by Angela & Aubrey Webber and Stephen Webber.

The songs were performed by The Doubleclicks and:
Stephen Webber on guitars, mandolin, piano, synth, banjo, percussion and bass.
Jordan Rose on drums.
Billy Novick on alto, tenor and bari saxophone and clarinet.
Rodrigo Malvido on percussion on track 9.
Nick Zielger on bass clarinet on track 8.
Justin Schornstein on bass on tracks 1 and 2.
Susan Webber on bass on track 3.

Stephen Webber engineered, edited, and mixed the album. Jonathan Wyner mastered it.
Ian Kagey mixed tracks 6, 7, and 8 and did mix prep and additional engineering. Aubrey Webber engineered the sessions and did additional mixing & editing. Max Schad & Nick Ziegler also offered additional editing.

The album art & design is by Caitlin Hansen: caitlinhansen.com

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about

The Doubleclicks Portland, Oregon

The Doubleclicks are a pair of Portland-based sisters who sing about Dungeons and Dragons, Mr. Darcy, and Dinosaurs.
The Doubleclicks' clever brand of nerdy folk music has been called "relentlessly likable" and "face-meltingly wry."
Their fans tend to be software developers, writers and their loved ones, as well as anyone who loves Star Trek, grammar, dinosaurs or video games.
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Track Name: Lasers and Feelings
In first grade you said I was pretty
In 9th grade you were quiet but witty
Then you moved out to some other city
And became a deranged billionaire

You've got a master plan, and it's evil
Your hopes are for worldwide upheaval
They seem violent and somewhat medieval
But I'm thinking that my love could save you

You've got lasers
And I've got feelings
Your lonely heart could use some healing
You've got lasers
And I've got feelings for you

Everyone in the world knows your name now
And that might give you some comfort somehow
But no one has promised their vows
And I know I'm the right one for you

To me, you just seem so alone
You're collecting your enemies' bones
And you use them in building your throne
And I think I should give you a call

You've got lasers
And I've got feelings
Your lonely heart could use some healing
You've got lasers
And I've got feelings for you

I can see right through your disguise
It's not hard, it only covers your eyes
And I wonder if you ever cry
Or if you ever think about me

I'm not trying to give you a guilt trip
But they won't let me on to your airship
My friends tell me I'm losing my grip
But I want you to know that I care

You've got lasers
And I've got feelings
Your lonely heart could use some healing
You've got lasers
And I've got feelings for you

You've got lasers
And I've got feelings
Why are bad boys so appealing?
You've got lasers
And I've got feelings for you
Track Name: Can't You See The World Is Ending
This guy's strong and distant
That guy's kind and meek
Each reminds me of a version of myself I want to be
The school's abuzz with gossip
It's been going on all week
But that's not the decision that the world awaits from me

Alien forces are approaching
The war has been declared
And I don't know why but I'm the chosen one and I am scared
I'm a little worried that my friends don't seem to care
You'd think they'd cancel classes so we all could get prepared
And it's seems a little weird that you're all talking about guys
When people all around us are fighting for their lives

They need a hero who's going to fight
They need the weapons, they need food and light
I wish that I could deal with that new friend request that's pending
But now isn't the time!
Can't you see the world is ending?

So, finals start on Monday
And the spies have found our place
I know you disagree, but I'd rather save the world than just save face
Lasers hit the bunker
And droids surround the base
Do you really still believe that failing math class is the worst case?

So you and Kate are shopping for new dresses for the prom
But I'll probably take a raincheck while I try to stop the bombs

They need a hero who's going to fight
They need the weapons, they need food and light
I wish that I could talk about the hashtags that are trending
But now isn't the time!
Can't you see the world is ending?

I'm leading the army
Their fate is in my hands
You tell me I'm behind on memes
And don't know all the latest bands
Right now I've got a mission
And it's time that we began
You tell me that I need to see
The future of Hamsterdance

They need a hero who's going to fight
They need the weapons, they need food and light
I'd like to whine about the things that Youtube's recommending
But now isn't the time!
Can't you see the world is ending?
Track Name: The Guy Who Yelled Freebird
It's your moment, your time
We have asked for your input
You can say whatever you want
For one shining second
You're offered the spotlight
You can choose to take it, or not

You might think you are funny, or being ironic
But it's an old joke we've all heard
And when it comes to it really, when all's said and done
You're still the guy who yelled Freebird

Why did you yell?
Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird
Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird

It's the first thing that comes into everyone's mind
Unless they have something to say
No one is laughing except in disgust
And the band wants you to go away

I know you don't want us to really play Skynyrd
The request is, at this point, absurd
Even if your bros are patting your back
You're still the guy who yelled Freebird

Why did you yell?
Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird
Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird

You don't understand, you see, we're in a band
And we hear that damn joke every day
Did you notice your wife has let go of your hand
And your friends are all backing away?

I'm not saying it's fair, but everyone's thinking
You're a jerk or a prick or a turd
If I leave here tomorrow
You'll still be the guy who yelled Freebird

Why did you yell?
Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird
Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird
Track Name: Something Else
Sometimes I think that I really might love you
Sometimes I write you a couplet or two
And they're nice, but I find
When you're on my mind
That there's something else I'm supposed to do

Sometimes when I am behind on a project
That day you're of my affection, the object
Then I watch the Twilight Zone
I play games on my phone
Cause there's something else I'm supposed to do

Sometimes I write you a letter my dear
I don't know your address
But if you want to come and get it
It's here!

Sometimes I find my own thoughts alarming
When I think that your faults could be sort of charming
Our love isn't fate
It's what I do to procrastinate
When there's something else I'm supposed to do

(I should get to work)
(This is due tomorrow)
(I'm gonna be in trouble)

Sometimes I think of what it would be like
With you as my husband and me as your wife
Then I get back to work
Because YOU ARE A JERK
And I've got stuff that I'm supposed to do.
Yeah, there's something else I'm supposed to do.
Track Name: The Mystery's Gone
The day that I found Twitter was the day I fell in love
It had so many brilliant thoughts that made me say, "Me, too!"
And you had conversations with the people I respect
The best celebrities re-tweeted you

The first time that I saw your site, my jaw dropped to the floor
I thought I was the only one who still liked MST
You're cooler than anyone in my town or in my state
We were online BFFs and everything was great

But then I met you in real life, and now the mystery's gone
And I don't want to have your babies anymore
In real life you are just as lame as everybody else
And we can never get back to how it was before

Your real voice doesn't sound much like your podcast
And it's clear now you calculate your photo angles well
More than that you're awkward, and frankly, you're kind of mean
But through the Internet I couldn't tell

In real life you don't have any new jokes
And when you talk about the 'net, it just seems kinda lame
In real life you spend most of your time looking at your phone
I mean so do I, but at least I feel some shame

Too bad I met you in real life, 'cause now the mystery's gone
And I don't want to have your babies anymore
In real life you are just as lame as everybody else
And we can never get back to how it was before

REAL LIFE disappointed me like raisins in an oatmeal cookie
Like an airplane I thought was a shooting star
Thinking it's a parking spot, but there's a smart car

Too bad I met you in real life, 'cause now the mystery's gone
And I don't want to have your babies anymore
In real life you are just as lame as everybody else
And we can never get back to how it was before
Track Name: Nothing To Prove
I entered this scene through rejection and honesty
Nerds weren't mean, they were weird and that worked for me
After 10 years of teasing when social skills failed me
Dungeons & Dragons cured all that ailed me

We read books, we played games, we made art, we watched Lost
We said things like "D20", "shipping" and "Mana cost"
It felt good to be myself, not being mocked
Still self-conscious, though, we whispered things about jocks

But one day, you grow up, come into your own
Now geek's not rejection - it's a label I own
Then ignorant haters come to prove me wrong
Tell me I'm not nerdy enough to belong

I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove

Fake Geek Girl test - that's a funny one, go ahead
How many comic books are there I haven't read?
I know it feels good to have a contest you win
It would feel even better if I wanted in

So women aren't geeks, so is that your conclusion?
That this is some secret club based on exclusion?
12-year-old dorks would say you're being selfish
And then they'd go write in their journals in Elvish

I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove

I've got cred but honestly, I shouldn't need it
This world needs all kinds of folks to complete it
You've got gamers, and artists and comic subscribers
Cosplayers, crafters and fan-fiction writers

You can stop - never say "fake geek" again
Our club needs no bouncers - all who want in get in
But go ahead, if you want, to own that role fully
I ain't got nothing to prove to a bully!

I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove
I've got nothing to prove
Track Name: Impostor
Feels like I've held my breath for hours
And I turn on my eyes to find I'm very far away
I take account of all my wheels, my arm, and my tiny drill
After all my training, I will do nothing familiar today

The folks who brought me up for this have such high expectations
And though they shouldn't they have dared to dream that I can change it all
Thousands watch as I turn on my camera and do my first job
I feel so important and so very small

All I can think is of the ways I'll disappoint them
I've got the tools, I've got the team, but I'm not ready for my close-up
Everybody trusts me more than I do
And I still don't feel like I've even grown up.

But I am faking it
I'm just pretending I can do this
I am faking it
I am faking it on Mars

They're all watching me and I don't know if I can take the next few steps
With every ticking second some of my confidence disappears
And out here it is cold and it is lonely and I am far from home
What would Hubble say if she were only here

And the worst part is not knowing what will greet me
I represent my planet but I'm really not prepared
I hope that I have time to ask for all the help I need
And I hope if I find aliens I won't act too scared

But I am faking it
I'm just pretending I can do this
I am faking it
I am faking it on Mars
Track Name: Rock Star Life
Everybody wants to be a rock star
And after two weeks on the road, I'd say that's what we are
The day that I signed on I didn't know what it would be
But it's a famous rock star's life for me

But I cannot access Minecraft from the tour van
And I'm choosing between illness and not shaking hands
And I lost my iPhone charger back in Cleveland
But it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me

I feel like we've been driving for about seventeen years
Playing the same show every night in different rooms that smell like beer
The day that I signed on I didn't know what it would be
But it's a friggin' rock star's life for me

But the headliner keeps flipping tables and yelling at our fans
I'm so tired of my sister I could hit her with a frying pan
If I see one more Burger King I'm breaking up the band
But it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me

If I had a dollar for each good sound guy we had I'd still be broke
And I think I understand why all the famous rock stars smoke
But then there are those crowds that laugh at every joke
And it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me
Yeah, it's still a famous rock star's life for me
Track Name: Christmas Ain't About Me
Christmas is about having a whole week off from school
Christmas is all family-time and cheer
It's strands made out of popcorn and a fire made out of Yule.
And why there aren't candy canes all year

But these days it's all different, because these days she's around
She's cute and small and everyone adores her
The true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents,
But Christmas ain't about me anymore

Christmas is about sitting still in church for days
Christmas is about never complaining
Two years ago my presents filled up Santa Claus' whole sleigh
But by last year my haul had started waning

And this year I'll get only toys that match the ones she gets
Or slightly larger versions of the outfits she ignores
Because the true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents,
But Christmas ain't about me anymore

I don't want to brag but I can walk way better than she can
Look at me a second cause I know a bunch more words
I do cartwheels, I can spell and I've been working on the Macarena
Doesn't that impress you?

Nothing makes a difference, because these days she's around
Despite her many faults they all adore her
The true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents
But Christmas ain't about me anymore
Christmas ain't about me anymore
Christmas ain't about me anymore
Track Name: Oh, Mr. Darcy
When I was first learning of love as a teenager
One source gave me all my ideas and theories
Jane Austen's masterpiece work, Pride and Prejudice
Or actually, the 1995 BBC mini-series

Oh that Mr. Darcy, so gruff and so distant
With a sensitive spirit just waiting to shine
There's a good reason that women love jerks
It seems like a fantastic idea at the time

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You're tall, dark, and handsome
You're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth

When I was 19 I traveled to Europe
To study and learn and go clubbing and drink
There was a cute boy in my history lessons
Who hailed from near London and mostly ignored me

So, of course, I fell for him and his charming voice
His detachment and rudeness got me in a snap
He finally noticed me at the end of semester
Took me on one date and treated me like crap

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth

If you meet a gentleman hailing from England
Don't be so impressed; hold on to your heart
Just because a guy has a British accent
Does not mean he's witty or decent or smart.

If a boy treats you with tasteful indifference
If he is handsome, but bristly and cold
Don't be intrigued just because he's ignoring you
Not every asshole has a heart of gold

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You're tall, dark, and handsome
You're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth