In first grade you said I was pretty In 9th grade you were quiet but witty Then you moved out to some other city And became a deranged billionaire You've got a master plan, and it's evil Your hopes are for worldwide upheaval They seem violent and somewhat medieval But I'm thinking that my love could save you You've got lasers And I've got feelings Your lonely heart could use some healing You've got lasers And I've got feelings for you Everyone in the world knows your name now And that might give you some comfort somehow But no one has promised their vows And I know I'm the right one for you To me, you just seem so alone You're collecting your enemies' bones And you use them in building your throne And I think I should give you a call You've got lasers And I've got feelings Your lonely heart could use some healing You've got lasers And I've got feelings for you I can see right through your disguise It's not hard, it only covers your eyes And I wonder if you ever cry Or if you ever think about me I'm not trying to give you a guilt trip But they won't let me on to your airship My friends tell me I'm losing my grip But I want you to know that I care You've got lasers And I've got feelings Your lonely heart could use some healing You've got lasers And I've got feelings for you You've got lasers And I've got feelings Why are bad boys so appealing? You've got lasers And I've got feelings for you

This guy's strong and distant That guy's kind and meek Each reminds me of a version of myself I want to be The school's abuzz with gossip It's been going on all week But that's not the decision that the world awaits from me Alien forces are approaching The war has been declared And I don't know why but I'm the chosen one and I am scared I'm a little worried that my friends don't seem to care You'd think they'd cancel classes so we all could get prepared And it's seems a little weird that you're all talking about guys When people all around us are fighting for their lives They need a hero who's going to fight They need the weapons, they need food and light I wish that I could deal with that new friend request that's pending But now isn't the time! Can't you see the world is ending? So, finals start on Monday And the spies have found our place I know you disagree, but I'd rather save the world than just save face Lasers hit the bunker And droids surround the base Do you really still believe that failing math class is the worst case? So you and Kate are shopping for new dresses for the prom But I'll probably take a raincheck while I try to stop the bombs They need a hero who's going to fight They need the weapons, they need food and light I wish that I could talk about the hashtags that are trending But now isn't the time! Can't you see the world is ending? I'm leading the army Their fate is in my hands You tell me I'm behind on memes And don't know all the latest bands Right now I've got a mission And it's time that we began You tell me that I need to see The future of Hamsterdance They need a hero who's going to fight They need the weapons, they need food and light I'd like to whine about the things that Youtube's recommending But now isn't the time! Can't you see the world is ending?

It's your moment, your time We have asked for your input You can say whatever you want For one shining second You're offered the spotlight You can choose to take it, or not You might think you are funny, or being ironic But it's an old joke we've all heard And when it comes to it really, when all's said and done You're still the guy who yelled Freebird Why did you yell? Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird It's the first thing that comes into everyone's mind Unless they have something to say No one is laughing except in disgust And the band wants you to go away I know you don't want us to really play Skynyrd The request is, at this point, absurd Even if your bros are patting your back You're still the guy who yelled Freebird Why did you yell? Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird You don't understand, you see, we're in a band And we hear that damn joke every day Did you notice your wife has let go of your hand And your friends are all backing away? I'm not saying it's fair, but everyone's thinking You're a jerk or a prick or a turd If I leave here tomorrow You'll still be the guy who yelled Freebird Why did you yell? Freebird, Freebird, you are the guy who yelled Freebird Freebird, Freebird, nobody wants to hear Freebird

Sometimes I think that I really might love you Sometimes I write you a couplet or two And they're nice, but I find When you're on my mind That there's something else I'm supposed to do Sometimes when I am behind on a project That day you're of my affection, the object Then I watch the Twilight Zone I play games on my phone Cause there's something else I'm supposed to do Sometimes I write you a letter my dear I don't know your address But if you want to come and get it It's here! Sometimes I find my own thoughts alarming When I think that your faults could be sort of charming Our love isn't fate It's what I do to procrastinate When there's something else I'm supposed to do (I should get to work) (This is due tomorrow) (I'm gonna be in trouble) Sometimes I think of what it would be like With you as my husband and me as your wife Then I get back to work Because YOU ARE A JERK And I've got stuff that I'm supposed to do. Yeah, there's something else I'm supposed to do.

The day that I found Twitter was the day I fell in love It had so many brilliant thoughts that made me say, "Me, too!" And you had conversations with the people I respect The best celebrities re-tweeted you The first time that I saw your site, my jaw dropped to the floor I thought I was the only one who still liked MST You're cooler than anyone in my town or in my state We were online BFFs and everything was great But then I met you in real life, and now the mystery's gone And I don't want to have your babies anymore In real life you are just as lame as everybody else And we can never get back to how it was before Your real voice doesn't sound much like your podcast And it's clear now you calculate your photo angles well More than that you're awkward, and frankly, you're kind of mean But through the Internet I couldn't tell In real life you don't have any new jokes And when you talk about the 'net, it just seems kinda lame In real life you spend most of your time looking at your phone I mean so do I, but at least I feel some shame Too bad I met you in real life, 'cause now the mystery's gone And I don't want to have your babies anymore In real life you are just as lame as everybody else And we can never get back to how it was before REAL LIFE disappointed me like raisins in an oatmeal cookie Like an airplane I thought was a shooting star Thinking it's a parking spot, but there's a smart car Too bad I met you in real life, 'cause now the mystery's gone And I don't want to have your babies anymore In real life you are just as lame as everybody else And we can never get back to how it was before

I entered this scene through rejection and honesty Nerds weren't mean, they were weird and that worked for me After 10 years of teasing when social skills failed me Dungeons & Dragons cured all that ailed me We read books, we played games, we made art, we watched Lost We said things like "D20", "shipping" and "Mana cost" It felt good to be myself, not being mocked Still self-conscious, though, we whispered things about jocks But one day, you grow up, come into your own Now geek's not rejection - it's a label I own Then ignorant haters come to prove me wrong Tell me I'm not nerdy enough to belong I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove Fake Geek Girl test - that's a funny one, go ahead How many comic books are there I haven't read? I know it feels good to have a contest you win It would feel even better if I wanted in So women aren't geeks, so is that your conclusion? That this is some secret club based on exclusion? 12-year-old dorks would say you're being selfish And then they'd go write in their journals in Elvish I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove I've got cred but honestly, I shouldn't need it This world needs all kinds of folks to complete it You've got gamers, and artists and comic subscribers Cosplayers, crafters and fan-fiction writers You can stop - never say "fake geek" again Our club needs no bouncers - all who want in get in But go ahead, if you want, to own that role fully I ain't got nothing to prove to a bully! I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove I've got nothing to prove

Feels like I've held my breath for hours And I turn on my eyes to find I'm very far away I take account of all my wheels, my arm, and my tiny drill After all my training, I will do nothing familiar today The folks who brought me up for this have such high expectations And though they shouldn't they have dared to dream that I can change it all Thousands watch as I turn on my camera and do my first job I feel so important and so very small All I can think is of the ways I'll disappoint them I've got the tools, I've got the team, but I'm not ready for my close-up Everybody trusts me more than I do And I still don't feel like I've even grown up. But I am faking it I'm just pretending I can do this I am faking it I am faking it on Mars They're all watching me and I don't know if I can take the next few steps With every ticking second some of my confidence disappears And out here it is cold and it is lonely and I am far from home What would Hubble say if she were only here And the worst part is not knowing what will greet me I represent my planet but I'm really not prepared I hope that I have time to ask for all the help I need And I hope if I find aliens I won't act too scared But I am faking it I'm just pretending I can do this I am faking it I am faking it on Mars

Everybody wants to be a rock star And after two weeks on the road, I'd say that's what we are The day that I signed on I didn't know what it would be But it's a famous rock star's life for me But I cannot access Minecraft from the tour van And I'm choosing between illness and not shaking hands And I lost my iPhone charger back in Cleveland But it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me I feel like we've been driving for about seventeen years Playing the same show every night in different rooms that smell like beer The day that I signed on I didn't know what it would be But it's a friggin' rock star's life for me But the headliner keeps flipping tables and yelling at our fans I'm so tired of my sister I could hit her with a frying pan If I see one more Burger King I'm breaking up the band But it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me If I had a dollar for each good sound guy we had I'd still be broke And I think I understand why all the famous rock stars smoke But then there are those crowds that laugh at every joke And it's still a friggin' rock star's life for me Yeah, it's still a famous rock star's life for me

Christmas is about having a whole week off from school Christmas is all family-time and cheer It's strands made out of popcorn and a fire made out of Yule. And why there aren't candy canes all year But these days it's all different, because these days she's around She's cute and small and everyone adores her The true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents, But Christmas ain't about me anymore Christmas is about sitting still in church for days Christmas is about never complaining Two years ago my presents filled up Santa Claus' whole sleigh But by last year my haul had started waning And this year I'll get only toys that match the ones she gets Or slightly larger versions of the outfits she ignores Because the true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents, But Christmas ain't about me anymore I don't want to brag but I can walk way better than she can Look at me a second cause I know a bunch more words I do cartwheels, I can spell and I've been working on the Macarena Doesn't that impress you? Nothing makes a difference, because these days she's around Despite her many faults they all adore her The true meaning of Christmas was to watch me open presents But Christmas ain't about me anymore Christmas ain't about me anymore Christmas ain't about me anymore

When I was first learning of love as a teenager One source gave me all my ideas and theories Jane Austen's masterpiece work, Pride and Prejudice Or actually, the 1995 BBC mini-series Oh that Mr. Darcy, so gruff and so distant With a sensitive spirit just waiting to shine There's a good reason that women love jerks It seems like a fantastic idea at the time Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth You're tall, dark, and handsome You're charming and wonderful No other men are worth half what you're worth When I was 19 I traveled to Europe To study and learn and go clubbing and drink There was a cute boy in my history lessons Who hailed from near London and mostly ignored me So, of course, I fell for him and his charming voice His detachment and rudeness got me in a snap He finally noticed me at the end of semester Took me on one date and treated me like crap Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth If you meet a gentleman hailing from England Don't be so impressed; hold on to your heart Just because a guy has a British accent Does not mean he's witty or decent or smart. If a boy treats you with tasteful indifference If he is handsome, but bristly and cold Don't be intrigued just because he's ignoring you Not every asshole has a heart of gold Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth You're tall, dark, and handsome You're charming and wonderful No other men are worth half what you're worth