There's a tiny paper elephant With a tiny paper friend And they don't know what they're doing on the table There's a larger kind of elephant And it lives inside of you And it knows that you can make it If you hit the follow-through… It is a mystery Everyone's got something going on these days And we don't have all the answers For the questions that are raised… But you can do it. There's a kiwi with a scarf on There's a bird that looks surprised And they know that you will get there in your time There's a mislabeled Kenobi There's a can wearing a tie And they know that life can feel like you're a Jedi with no wine But don't worry if it's not the same If you never see the sign 'Cause the things that make you different Are what really make you shine You're a unique combination You're the sum of all your parts You're an egg with great potential And it's not too late to start So when you think of something peculiar That's when you take your chance 'Cause the weirdest stuff's your moment You take that kick in the pants You won't know quite when it's perfect And you might still see the seams Just ride that elephant inside you To the goalpost of your dreams 'Cause you can do it. We know you can do it. We all know you can do it.

I'm gonna tell you what you need to party right It's the new craze, it's the way, every night Put some pants on and drive up to the party house And suddenly remember that you don't like going out Yeah, you're still a weirdo; well, imagine that Here is your solution: go and find the host's cat Hanging with cats at parties Party party It's the new movement—why don't you join me? We don't want your judgment and we don't need your pity This is where I wanna be Hanging out with cats at parties Walk into the party like "no thanks, I'll keep my coat" Ending conversations with a nice Taylor Swift quote And saying things like "I don't like local beer" Scanning every corner for the reason you are here There is a cat, so I'm not technically alone now Don't tell me to smile; I am in my comfort zone now Yes, I'm having fun; I don't need a drink This is way more comfortable than you probably think Hanging with cats at parties Party party It's the new movement—why don't you join me? We don't want your judgment and we don't need your pity This is where I wanna be Hanging out with cats at parties A cat is not a bigot or a sexist A cat could care less if you even exist Unless you're giving it treats, it will just stare at you And that's the kind of friend that I want—what can I do? Our numbers grow out of nowhere like mitosis We're all slowly contracting toxoplasmosis. We don't need your shame; our life is better 'cause it's lame And tonight's just about one thing Hanging with cats at parties Party party It's the new movement—why don't you join me? We don't want your judgment and we don't need your pity This is where I wanna be Hanging out with cats at parties Hanging out with cats at parties Hanging out with cats at parties

Growing up isn't fast In fact, it's so slow that you don't see it happen I turned around one day to find I work a job and I need to file taxes But I still like fun And I still like games And I still wanna know all the dinosaurs' names Dinosaurs were just really, really big chickens Growing up is just being a really big kid I don't feel old, and I don't feel together Or like I'm one of the herd I feel like I just missed a whole week of class Where they learned how to cook and how not to be awkward I need a YouTube tutorial That shows how to get me the life that I'm after I'm just gonna be that one girl who will tell you That thing's too big to be a velociraptor Dinosaurs were just really, really big chickens Growing up is just being a really big kid Time goes by quickly now A lot has changed since I was a kid There used to be something called a "brontosaurus" And dinosaurs didn't have feathers, but now we're pretty sure that they did Covered in feathers, weird It's gonna be OK Dinosaurs were just really, really big chickens Growing up is just being a really big kid

Two heads are better than one And she’s got way more than two so she can get the job done Four of them are working if one takes a break Vote for five snakes in one pantsuit— vote for President Snakes President Snakes President Snakes Rocking the campaign trail, it's President Snakes She is giving speeches and a lot of handshakes She runs a clean campaign, that ol' President Snakes President Snakes President Snakes Winning in the swing states, it’s President Snakes 'cause her rhetoric is honest and she’s laid out the stakes If you wanna vote for freedom, vote for President Snakes President Snakes President Snakes Losing the election, it’s President Snakes It isn't what she wanted, but it's not a mistake There is nobody more positive than President Snakes

Hey Don't write yourself off yet It's only in your head you feel left out Or looked down on Just try your best Try everything you can And don't you worry what they tell themselves When you're away It just takes some time Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right Hey You know they're all the same You know you're doing better on your own So don't buy in Live right now Yeah, just be yourself It doesn't matter if it's good enough For someone else It just takes some time Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right Hey Don't write yourself off yet It's only in your head you feel left out Or looked down on Just do your best Do everything you can And don't you worry what their bitter hearts Are gonna say It just takes some time Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right It just takes some time Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride Everything, everything will be just fine Everything, everything will be all right All right

I like to eat toast with jam You like to eat eggs and ham And if you're in, we can be friends 'Cause I don't have a problem with ham I like to wear sweaters and skirts too I like to do just what I want to And if you don't like what I do with my life Well, that's great, 'cause I didn't ask you This is my jam This is my jam This is my toast, this is my knife And this is my jam This is my jam This is my jam This is my song, this is my life And this is my jam I'm gonna do this, and if you don't wanna do this, I'm gonna find somebody who wants to do this 'Cause I am a person and you are a person You should want what you want, long as nobody's hurtin' You're not gonna tell me the songs I should write And you're not gonna tell me my clothes are too tight 'Cause I'm gonna love doing all my own stuff And that love's gotta come from inside This is my jam This is my jam This is my toast, this is my knife And this is my jam This is my jam This is my jam This is my song, this is my life And this is my jam I'd like to be eating breakfast with people that I like With no one telling me the things they think I should do with my life And like John Green tells us to imagine others complexly I won't judge you, 'cause what you like has nothing to do with me

When I was six, I wore a red-and-white dress and the neighbor kids called me Minnie Mouse But the neighbor kids were the only ones I was allowed to invite to my house So my friends would be my friends, as long as we were not at school Where they'd treat me like garbage to make them seem cool And I'm bitter, I'm still a little bit bitter... In middle school, my parents thought I should hang out with kids who weren't so male And then some girls tried to lock me in the bathroom while they watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail And after ten years, most of me has grown up and moved on But a little bit still wants them to admit that they were wrong And that's not helping, that's really not helping I still hear the voices saying that no one likes me And sometimes I believe them, even now I can't forget the taste of that pain and that fear But I dilute those bad memories with more good ones every year And I'm bitter, but it is over I spent my high school years overcompensating for my insecurity and that was lame I burnt more bridges than a retreating army, and I was lonely, and I had myself to blame Senior year, my boyfriend told me that my friends Didn't really like me, it was all pretend... And that hurt; he was kind of a jerk I try to live my life without regrets And I try pretty hard to just forget 'Cause it doesn't help me to think about all my young strife I know I'm great today because of all of that hell But I think I could have been a happy kid as well And still made something positive out of my life But there's nobody flawless who can cast the first stone I've got a bucket full of rocks here that are never getting thrown I still remember the classroom where I made a girl cry I don't remember how I did it and I don't remember why But a bully isn't thinking; she's an anger-feelings blur And like a snake, she's more afraid of you than you could be of her But that doesn't make it better, that doesn't make it right I still hear the voices saying that no one likes me And sometimes I believe them, even now I can't forget the taste of that pain and that fear But I dilute those bad memories with more good ones every year And I'm sorry, and I'm glad it is over.

What does it mean To be a snake What does it mean To be a politician I've only got the best intentions But that's not all it takes 'Cause I am snakes And I am working for the good of us But that requires a little trust And who can trust, Who can trust A snake?

Mushroom clouds rise, acid rain falls There aren't any footsteps these days It's been thirteen hours since the crushing defeat And the last ones turned dust and fillets I am all alone, there is no one else living It's a tragedy, but I'll get past it I'll try to look on the bright side today Finally, I am the fastest After three decades of nuclear fallout And galaxy-wide laser war The evacuation was mostly complete And then came the poisonous spores Now they're all gone, I've been left here to die But my plan is to outlast it Now that there's no one to get in my way Finally, I am the fastest They used to tease me, they'd giggle and yell Because I was always last place But the radiation bounced right off my shell I guess slow and steady ended up winning the race Now that there's no one to get in my way Finally, I am the fastest

Why can't every city be Portland Whey can't everywhere be like here It's the place that I like, All the folks unicycle They're carrying bottles of beer Why can't every city be PDX Where we're not unemployed; we've got our own projects We're keepin' it weird And every guy with a beard Has a few pairs of horn-rimmed specs It's not our original home sweet home, But we do like the Romans, 'cause we're sort of in Rome We bike in the lane Treating cars with disdain, And pretend we don't know that it always rains Why can't every city be Portland Where the irony is big as our trees It's no longer intriguin' That everyone's vegan And nobody owns a TV Why can't every space be Portlandia's place Where even the lawyers are pierced on their face Where we'll all DIY Till the day that we die And we live at a comfortable pace It's not our original home sweet home, But we do like the Romans, 'cause we're sort of in Rome You've got kombucha, we'll try it If it's on Craigslist, we'll buy it And if you find a new neighborhood, we'll gentrify it Why can't every city be Portland Where we don't know how lucky we are We buy booze without tax And we hop on the MAX For a cheap ride down to the bar Why can't every old stone be this temperate zone Where our future as grown-ups is sort of postponed We might move to L.A. Or Seattle someday But first we have to pay off our student loans

I rolled initiative When I woke up today And I didn't do that well But I had to get up anyway Our ride was in the parking lot A rental car so new And we drove and drove and drove and drove And drove and drove some, too We played a show for people And we shook a lot of hands And we role-played in this game we call "successful touring band" In the evening, I crawled into bed at 10 or 12 or 2 And I wished that I was coming home to you I ate Chipotle For the second time for dinner It was not the only option, But man, it was a winner In the car we sang along To Katy Perry and Pharrell Until the radio was static And then we got to the hotel I sent a lot of emails And I made a lot of plans And we role-played in this game we call "successful touring band" In the evening, I crawled into bed at 10 or 12 or 2 And I wished that I was coming home to you Don't say that I don't love this life You would be wrong 'Cause every show is wonderful Though every day is long And when the energy from meeting all those awesome nerds is through I just wish that I was coming home to you In the future, I will teleport Till then I will make do And I'll wish that I was coming home to you

Today's the day, today I've won With a diploma or a paycheck I'm officially done I have accomplished, I have done great It's time for pride and satisfaction Time for me to celebrate Thank God it's over; I turned it in And now I never ever have to look at that stuff again I did my best, I should be proud But I just want to run away; oops, did I say that out loud? Feels like I lost part of my soul in there It was a pool of stress, fear, and despair But I survived; yes, I survived There were mistakes and there was doubt Thought I would die before I got out But I got out alive Thank God it's over; everything's fine I forgot how nice the world was on the other side of deadline I turned it in, and now it's gone And I have got no regrets, 'cause I can finally move on I can't believe I made it here Did the best work of my career But please don't look for me, I will be nappin' I thought that my first reaction Would be creative satisfaction But I just want to forget this ever happened Thank God it's over; thank God it's through I'm proud and tired and angry and stressed and worn out and I've put strain on all my relationships and I don't know what the future holds and it's possible I've lost all direction But at least I have got no more work to do