It's a loud and crowded party and it's so dark that people find it hard to see But I can clearly tell that you're avoiding me I catch you at last and I finally try asking why you left without saying goodbye but you shield your gaze from the light emitting from my mouth and eyes I just want to love you but you can't see me for who I am You'll never look past my appearance and into my soul I could be there for you and I'd make you proud you were my man and you might learn to like the way I glow They call me a failed experiment of science they say my parents didn't know what they were tryin' But maybe I'm just more evolved Think of the problems GFP could solve You say my DNA's not the issue (it's not) you pretend this is a regular fight (your'e not listening) But what does she have that I don't; except a visage without light At the end of the night, when I order a drink People stare at me there and I start to think That this might be what it was like to be the missing link I just want to love you but you can't see me for who I am You'll never look past my mutations and into my soul I could be there for you and I'd make you proud you were my man and you might learn to like the way I glow

The day I found your Twitter was the day I fell in love You had so many brilliant thoughts that made me say "me, too!" Plus you had conversations with the people I respect the best celebrities re-tweeted you -- The first time that you messaged me, my heart started to bounce I couldn't believe someone so cool actually read my blog we had so much in common and our wits were so well-matched! The world wide web saw chemistry_ in our dialogue -- But then I met you in real life and now the mystery's gone I don't want to have your babies anymore In real life you don't edit and in real life you're not cool The brilliant mind I thought you had turned out to be a bore -- Your real voice doesn't sound much like your podcast And it's clear now you calculate your photo angles well more than that; you're awkward, and (frankly you're kind of mean) but through the internet I couldn't tell. -- In real life, you don't know anyone's name In real life, you don't say much about pop culture or news In real life you spend most of your time looking at your phone Apparently I can't keep you amused. -- Too bad I met you in real life, cause now the mystery's gone I don't want to have your babies anymore In real life you don't edit and in real life you're not cool The brilliant banter that we had turned out to be a bore -- The Internet was made for people just like you and me Real-life conversation is not our specialty. when we've got time and distance we can act smart and clever from the comfort of our own computer screens

For three years you woke up and you went to a job that was boring and hard and lame Your folks don't explain to their friends what you do cause it's dull and they feel ashamed But you finally gave your notice. and it's come to your very last day you've only got 8 more hours to go, and then you can get away We all want to make a difference and to we want to do something great But this job was just a series of ones and zeros in-between coffee breaks You hope you'd at least done the company proud in your eight-hundred-fifteen days But your value's as clear as the icing that spells the wrong name on your "good-bye" cake! You had nightmares about being trapped in that office, that room, in that job, that chair And you daydreamed about being hit by a bus or falling down a set of stairs but this era is finally ending - there's an end to your pleas and sighs and your colleagues are looking at you with their sad puppy "please bring me with you" eyes so long, suckas

The drum beats, and the lights flash and we are all transported to a time in the past where people sailed across the sea The epic battle opens with a scared and lost young sailor passing through a crowd of bachelor parties, drunks and families There's nothing like a weirdly corporate sexualized pirate battle As the sun sets over all the gambling, bars and candy shops why do folks from other countries come to see Las Vegas Is there a way that we can make them stop? Because there's nothing more American than pirates performing to a drunk and sunburned throng There's nothing more American than scantily-clad women lip-syncing and stripping to an awful hip-hop song at Treasure Island it's a free attraction so you really shouldn't miss it and if you squint your eyes, you hardly notice that it doesn't have a plot! The skanky leather outfits and bad accents carry you away So forget your fears, concerns & money that you lost at slots Because there's nothing more American than pirates performing to a drunk and sunburned throng There's nothing more American than scantily-clad women lip-syncing and stripping to an awful hip-hop song at Treasure Island

I cried on the day that you left me But that heartbreak turned into a blessing I've found someone new / someone better than you who knows what I want without asking Google knows me better than you ever did It listens, it cares, and it documents it It stores all my wishes in its giant brains Where they will always remain. Real men can be so distant and mean And are hard to reach, even with texting But Google's on my phone/Doesn't leave me all alone Except when I don't charge my battery You hid and cracked jokes when my friends would get married You'd find an excuse to take off then But Google knows my gender, my friends and my age And offers me wedding rings often Maybe a little too often Sure there are problems, like, Google can't see It can't cuddle, or cook or brew me a cup of tea But when I am lonely/ or forget what I need Google will Auto-complete me. Google knows me better than you ever did It listens, it cares, and it documents it It stores all my wishes in its giant brains Where they will always remain.

It's not too hard to these days to be a bully or a jerk And the Internet cuts out most of the time-consuming work But please consider what you do when people don't agree with you Be useful, fun and friendly instead of going berzerk Don't be a dick! Don't be a dick today! there's no need be a prick whenever you don't get your way communities are better when we all try to be nice! so even when you're mad don't be a dick. In your journey through this life there may someday be a time when you think that breaking Wheaton's law would not be such a crime but for today let's take vacation from that malice and from trolling it's Wil Wheaton's Day today so have a beer and let's get rolling!

I feel like I have held my breath for hours And I turn my eyes to find I'm very far away I'll take account of all my wheels, my arm, and my tiny drill After all my training, I'll do nothing familiar today The guys who brought me up for this have such high expectations And though they shouldn't, they have dared to dream that I can change it all Thousands watch as I turn on my camera and do my first job I feel so important and so very very small all I can think is of the ways I'll disappoint them I've got the team, I've got the parts, but I'm not ready for my close-up Everybody trusts me more than I do And I still don't feel like I've even grown up. And I am faking it. I'm just pretending I can do this I am faking it I am faking it on Mars. They're all watching me and I don't know if I can take the next few steps with every ticking second some of my confidence disappears And out here it is cold and it is lonely and I am far from home what would the hubble say if only she were here And the worst part is not knowing what will greet me I represent my planet but I'm really not prepared I hope that there is time to ask for all the help I need And I hope if I find aliens I won't act too scared And I am faking it. I'm just pretending I can do this I am faking it I am faking it on Mars.