The Book was Better

by The Doubleclicks



"The Book Was Better" is about a lot of things: gender, dogs, cats, anxiety, Halloween, and pizza are some of the things. But the big theme is this: We spend too much time yelling on the Internet, and we should all try something else. Certainly we can't stop using the Internet, that would be ridiculous. But just a tiny break sometimes, yeah — that's probably good. Go to a museum. Go roller skating and break your arm. Try to throw a birthday party and don't cancel it when you get overwhelmed at the very idea of human interaction.

It's a comedy album.


released May 10, 2019

Album written, produced and performed by the Doubleclicks (Aubrey Turner and Laser Malena-Webber) and these great people:

Aaron Wilson: production: 8. piano: 2, 6, 8, 9
Jason Charles Miller: production and guitars: 7
Mercury Shadow: fiddle and string/percussion arrangements: 9, 10, 12
Paul Sabourin: trumpet: 4
Group vocal on 9: Amy Dallen, Amy Vorpahl, Bonnie Gordon, Jason Charles Miller, Kate Leth, and Xander Jeanneret

Album art and design by Natalie Metzger (
Mixed by Aubrey Turner
Mastering by Adam Boose of Cauliflower Audio


To our mom, Suzy Webber (check out her art!!! for following your bliss and being a supportive and rad and hilarious mom.

To our dad, Stephen Webber, for being a huge supporter, and a role model of music, biz, and badass-ness.

To our partners Richard and Justin, who are both huge nerds and delightful humans.

To Marzipan, the cat, who is perfect.

To the Old Spaghetti Factory for being conveniently located near the studio, for when we needed a pasta break.

To the House on the Rock and Wizard Quest, which gave us an appreciation for the mechanical. To all the apps that block social media from our phones so we don’t need to wander into the ocean.

To the friends we text with who keep us moving forward: Lucia, Cary, Kate, Rachael, Alice, Katie, Shadow, Jennie, Sam and all the squads in Portland and Los Angeles.

To the people who listened to our podcast “You Should Write A Song About That,” which is where most of these songs came from. To everyone who supports us on Patreon for keeping us going and funding music videos!

Thank you to our Kickstarter supporters who made this album possible, especially executive producers Stephen Webber and David Koble.




The Doubleclicks Portland, Oregon

The Doubleclicks are a pair of siblings who sing about cats, dinosaurs, and feelings.
The Doubleclicks' clever brand of nerdy folk music has been called "relentlessly likable" and "face-meltingly wry."
Their fans tend to be software developers, writers and their loved ones, as well as anyone who loves Star Trek, grammar, dinosaurs or video games.
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Track Name: Boundaries (Marzipan the Cat)
you meow you purr
and I am full of pride
your paws your fur
and your big round eyes

and I don’t mind the times you stop me from reading
because you want to do some
scratching and kneading
you have a lot of work that you have to do
I love you, I love you!

you tell me what you want
you tell me what you need
I am so blessed
to know your boundaries!

you’re brave you’re soft
and you have perfect feets
you know yourself
and know that you like treats

and I can’t help it that it brings me to tears
to know that you have overcome so much fear
to play with feathers and to climb on the couch
I love you, I love you


sometimes you break my stuff because you’re so agile
if you’ve having fun
you make me smile
and sometimes you’re under the bed because you want to hide
we all need to be alone sometimes
I love you, I love you!

Track Name: Ode to a Summer Retail Job
it’s another summer morning
at the store
sunscreen in the air and flip-flops
on the floor
chaotic children run around
like dust inside a sunbeam
and I wonder if I even dare to dream

I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
I’m fully aware it’s hot, but I’d really rather not
I don’t want to touch wet money anymore

every day it’s wearing down my will
as each new customer comes
to the till
in one hand, a beverage that they need to stay hydrated
pulling from their person, currency that’s fully saturated

I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
if it’s been inside your sock, I just don’t want it at all
I don’t want to touch wet money anymore

If I only had a day without wet money
if every bill was clean and crisp and dry
my retail disposition would be sunny
I’d smile each customer right in their eye
and I wouldn’t be ignored or
condescended to
I’d say how’s it going and they’d say -
doing well, and you?
and I wouldn’t go home wondering if this is all my life is for
selling Deadpool books to aging hipsters at a comic store..
is this what I intended when I reached this age?
dayjobbing sporadically for minimum wage?
am I heading towards or have I just surrendered all my dreams?
if the cash was dry it wouldn’t be as bleak as that all seems….

I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
there’s a answer - what do you call it?
oh that’s right, a gosh darn wallet
I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
Track Name: I’m Winning
I was jumping on shells
I was falling down holes
there was a 3D open world out there
but I was stuck in side-scroll

I could’ve been winning at checkers
but I was losing at chess
until I solved the biggest puzzle
and I unlocked the treasure chest
and now
I’m winning, I’m winning
I am playing the right game finally
I’m winning, I’m winning
I am using the right name finally

I’m a player, not an obstacle
I’m redefining possible
I have a new victory condition
there are many more than two
ways to win


left right left right b a and start
listen to me and love with your heart
pick up the piece and roll the dice
you can help a person have a better life
and maybe it’s new, maybe it’s hard, can’t you try to care?
cause players like me and all my friends have always been there!

(chorus x 2)
Track Name: Panic
the bandwidth is throttled
the battery’s drained
The audio’s clipping
game canceled due to rain

it’s time to panic
it’s time to flood
it’s time to give up now
’cause now is no good

I’ve got nothing to fight with
and nowhere to flee
I can’t run from the problem
the problem is me

I hate this dumb couch
and I hate slowly breathing
I hate staying here all day alone
and I also hate leaving
there’s no digging upward
from a bottomless pit
there’s no moving forward
till we get out of it


it’s ok to keep crying
through a terrible night
there is total darkness
until there is light
it’s a bad situation
with no shortcuts or tricks
there don’t have to be reasons
I don’t need to be fixed

I’ve got nothing to fight with
And nowhere to flee
I’m trapped in this problem,
but only for now
people care about me
people care about me
Track Name: Afterparty for One
I don’t get invited to red carpets
I’m not on the list for fancy shows
I’m not friends with all the a-list artists
if there’s something cool tonight,
chances are, I don’t know

I don’t have a stylist or an agent
I go to the grocery store alone
tonight I have no scheduled engagements
there is no one blowing up my phone
so what do you do? you

open up the freezer
get yourself a pizza
preheat and bake - don’t wait
it doesn’t get much easier
just a frozen pizza, you don’t need a reason
just a frozen pizza, you don’t need a reason

don’t tell me that it’s tacky or it’s cheap
those words don’t mean anything to me
my power is making my own fun
I can throw an afterparty for one

you don’t need an invitation to party
you don’t need a crown to show you’re great
money doesn’t buy the stuff that matters
you don’t need a reason to celebrate


adventure is your mission
comfort from inside
you don’t need permission
give yourself the prize

open up the freezer
get yourself a pizza
open up the freezer
you don’t need a reason
Track Name: Clifford is not too Big
shut up the voices that tell you that you’re the wrong size
or say that you’re too specific to represent
the problem comes not from the subject but just from their eyes
and I say there’s nothing unlovable about a giant

Clifford the Big Red Dog
crushes both cars and men
Clifford’s of epic size
he would do it again
Clifford is full of love
stuff happens now and then

but Clifford is not too big no he’s not
Clifford is not too tall no he’s not
if Clifford doesn’t fit
then the world is too small

shut up the voices that say you take too much space
whenever your shoes are just tall or your dress is just tight
I don’t agree that there’s anything wrong with your face
no matter the scale, my friend,
I think that you fit just right

Clifford the Big Red Dog
says that he loves you too
Clifford has ruined lives
but he has made it through
the island knows his worth
friend if you only knew…

you are not too big, no you’re not
you are not too tall, no you’re not
friend if you don’t fit in
then they’re thinking too small
they’re just thinking too small
they’re just thinking too small
Track Name: Super Beatrice
there is nothing she can’t do!
she’s got more power than me or you!
she can handle all of this.
she’s Super Beatrice

If the room is dark she’ll light it up
so she can find her contact lens
if the room is loud she’ll turn it down
so she can talk to all her friends

she can reach across buffets
without getting salsa on her sleeves
if she wants to leave a party
she just leaves


when she goes grocery shopping
she makes a list, it goes super fast
she falls asleep when she gets in bed
without dwelling on moments from her past

she’s so fast she can take a pic
while the kid or dog is still doing something cute
when commercials come on TV
she can instantly press mute


can she fight crime?
yes she can, yes she can
when she has the time
she’ll go help Superman

she can see through walls
and travel at the speed of light
but most problems are small
and she doesn’t like to fight

saves the innocent from harm
gets up early without an alarm

Track Name: Nobody Gets It
I finished my work on Halloween night
and I pulled on my costume looking quite a sight
it was current and detailed, a joke and a pun
and I went to the party to hang out and have some fun

I entered the house, to see a ghost and a Batman
a witch, a banana, and a football fan
I got everyone’s costume and was immediately sure
that the outfit I made was way too obscure

Nobody gets it - I’m a mystery
Nobody gets it - please don’t talk to me
Nobody gets it - I don’t want to admit
Nobody gets it. - that nobody gets it

It was a scary place, but it outdid itself
because people at the party kept trying to help
they were being polite about the way I was dressed
they didn’t understand but kept trying to guess

I told a nice person it was a play on words
and the guessing got frenzied and so much worse
it was such a mistake to tip my hand
like telling strangers you sing in a comedy band!

Nobody gets it
I am full of shame
Nobody gets it
I don’t even want to explain
Nobody gets it
I’ll find a dark corner to sit
Nobody gets it
because nobody gets it

it’s pretty funny if you’re in the know
but it’s not worth explaining if you haven’t seen the show
I should’ve gone the easy route and been a sexy nurse instead of
Steven Sondheim Universe

Oh Captain, My Captain Marvel


The God Particle Man

Sailor Moon Unit Zappa

or Mad Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
do you get it?

Nobody gets it
such a specific aesthetic
Nobody gets it
but I just look pathetic
Nobody gets it
I guess I’ve got to commit
Nobody gets it
because nobody gets it
Track Name: Happy Birthday, Nobody Hates You
happy birthday
no one here hates you
everybody thinks you’re fine
or even better
some of us love you
and we’re having a good time

this is a party
nobody’s trapped here
it is normal and it’s good
it’s not a guilt trip
it’s not a prank show
we’re having fun like people should

it’s just a party
not an audition
or a friendship interview
it’s not a big deal
it doesn’t matter
happy birthday to you
Track Name: The Ballad of Millie Rosa Jane
I knew a girl who was once like you and me
but then she found the ocean and
now she is free
now she is right where she wanted to be
there’s no cell towers on the open sea

Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane
did it make you happy to sail far away?
teach us what you learned, we’ve been waiting for the day
of the return of Ms. Millie Rosa Jane

Millie told us all that she wanted to get out
the internet had left her with a time freedom drought
no number of tweets stack up to the amount
of joy you recieve when you delete your account

Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane
you said that the ocean could liberate from pain
has all of your freedom opened up your brain
what have you made, Ms. Millie Rosa Jane?

did she read and relax, did she live like a queen
did she paint the best pictures the world has ever seen?
I guess we’ll never know, ’cause we haven’t heard a thing
since the day that she left in 2015

the call of the ocean is ever seductive
away from the web you can be so productive
but not knowing how to sail may make it destructive
at least we agree that your choice was instructive

Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane
could have turned off your laptop and boarded a train
you could’ve set your phone to the mode of airplane
then you’d still be alive, Ms. Millie Rosa Jane
Track Name: Brand New Year
hey future me: I got you a gift
it’s an extremely detailed list
of everything you’re about to achieve or have achieved already

hey future me I’ve got complete faith
that you’ll learn to love all the things that I hate
like completing difficult tasks outside your comfort zone, and waking up early

it’s a brand new year
for getting hard goals met
and it will soon be here
but it’s not yet

hey future me: there’s a lot of work to do
but good news:
I’ve put my faith in you
you can show everybody that we can do so much more
there’s no more time for waiting
and it’ll be real humiliating
if you aren’t ready to do everything that I’ve signed you up for

it’s a brand new year
and it is fun I bet
the time for work is near—
but not quite yet

it’s all planned out and that should be pleasant
all you’ll need to do is live in the present
and check off each task as you fulfill the plan of our grand endeavor

I’m pinning all my hopes on you
I already scheduled a venue
and it’ll be fine if you stay on schedule for the first time ever….

it’s a brand new year
and we’ll have no regrets
the future is so clear
but it’s not yet
Track Name: Something I Can Hold
give me something I can hold with my own hands
a machine that ticks and gears I can understand
make me move from place to place
a puzzle I can chase
a new and different kind of land

I don’t want to be just trapped inside a screen
I want to be held. I want to be seen
I want you to be real
to be someone I can feel
somewhere I can rest and lean

maybe I am scared or old
don’t want to plug in or be bold
because I think it’s worth my while
to share a room with your smile
to make you something I can hold
Track Name: I Don’t Wanna
you know a place where the acrobats swing
but loud dance parties make my ears ring
there’s nothing wrong if that’s your thing
I just don’t wanna

it makes me feel bad to visit the zoo
I don’t need a conversation about U2
that doesn’t mean that I hate you
I just don’t wanna

I don’t wanna
no no no no
I don’t wanna
no no no no no

you like donuts so much that you’ll wait in line
but I don’t need to go, and that is fine
I have so many feelings and they’re just mine, I don’t wanna

don’t you wanna?
choose the things that bring you joy
don’t you wanna?
ignore other stuff within reason!
don’t you wanna?
no isn’t negative, it’s selective
don’t you wanna?
no no no no no
Track Name: We’re All Gonna Die
I’d never been good at roller skating
so I had decided not to go
but lately I don’t care what I am bad at
I challenged what I thought I know

turns out, I’m still bad at roller skating
but I’ve got no regrets
I learned something, I left my house
consequences haven’t stopped me yet -

there’s no right answer
stop taking advice
do whatever you want to
we’re all gonna die

there are solvable problems
everything has a price
dance like nobody’s watching
we’re all gonna die

I can’t climb and I can’t ride
but maybe I could if I tried
I can’t fix the broken systems
but it’s still worth it to resist them

life comes at you lightning fast
any day could be your last
but there’s no good in fear or worry
if it doesn’t make you act

I don’t know what matters
and I don’t know why
I’m just making choices
we’re all gonna die

c’est la vie / carpe diem
yolo / diy
your mileage may vary
we’re all gonna die

I’ve erased all the rules in my internal hard disk
I think my new medication may throw off my sense of risk

actions can change you
to outgoing from shy
nothing is permanent
we’re all gonna die

can’t is a tough word
it is sometimes a lie
do things if you want to
’cause we’re all gonna die
but it’s worth it to try
I don’t want you to die

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