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The Book was Better

by The Doubleclicks

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you meow you purr and I am full of pride your paws your fur and your big round eyes and I don’t mind the times you stop me from reading because you want to do some scratching and kneading you have a lot of work that you have to do I love you, I love you! (chorus) you tell me what you want you tell me what you need I am so blessed to know your boundaries! you’re brave you’re soft and you have perfect feets you know yourself and know that you like treats and I can’t help it that it brings me to tears to know that you have overcome so much fear to play with feathers and to climb on the couch I love you, I love you (chorus) sometimes you break my stuff because you’re so agile if you’ve having fun you make me smile and sometimes you’re under the bed because you want to hide we all need to be alone sometimes I love you, I love you! (chorus)
it’s another summer morning at the store sunscreen in the air and flip-flops on the floor chaotic children run around like dust inside a sunbeam and I wonder if I even dare to dream I don’t want to touch wet money anymore I’m fully aware it’s hot, but I’d really rather not I don’t want to touch wet money anymore every day it’s wearing down my will as each new customer comes to the till in one hand, a beverage that they need to stay hydrated pulling from their person, currency that’s fully saturated I don’t want to touch wet money anymore I don’t want to touch wet money anymore if it’s been inside your sock, I just don’t want it at all I don’t want to touch wet money anymore If I only had a day without wet money if every bill was clean and crisp and dry my retail disposition would be sunny I’d smile each customer right in their eye and I wouldn’t be ignored or condescended to I’d say how’s it going and they’d say - doing well, and you? and I wouldn’t go home wondering if this is all my life is for selling Deadpool books to aging hipsters at a comic store.. is this what I intended when I reached this age? dayjobbing sporadically for minimum wage? am I heading towards or have I just surrendered all my dreams? if the cash was dry it wouldn’t be as bleak as that all seems…. I don’t want to touch wet money anymore I don’t want to touch wet money anymore there’s a answer - what do you call it? oh that’s right, a gosh darn wallet I don’t want to touch wet money anymore
I was jumping on shells I was falling down holes there was a 3D open world out there but I was stuck in side-scroll I could’ve been winning at checkers but I was losing at chess until I solved the biggest puzzle and I unlocked the treasure chest and now (chorus) I’m winning, I’m winning I am playing the right game finally I’m winning, I’m winning I am using the right name finally I’m a player, not an obstacle I’m redefining possible I have a new victory condition there are many more than two ways to win (chorus) left right left right b a and start listen to me and love with your heart pick up the piece and roll the dice you can help a person have a better life and maybe it’s new, maybe it’s hard, can’t you try to care? cause players like me and all my friends have always been there! (chorus x 2)
Panic 02:45
the bandwidth is throttled the battery’s drained The audio’s clipping game canceled due to rain it’s time to panic it’s time to flood it’s time to give up now ’cause now is no good (chorus) I’ve got nothing to fight with and nowhere to flee I can’t run from the problem the problem is me I hate this dumb couch and I hate slowly breathing I hate staying here all day alone and I also hate leaving there’s no digging upward from a bottomless pit there’s no moving forward till we get out of it (chorus) it’s ok to keep crying through a terrible night there is total darkness until there is light it’s a bad situation with no shortcuts or tricks there don’t have to be reasons I don’t need to be fixed I’ve got nothing to fight with And nowhere to flee I’m trapped in this problem, but only for now people care about me people care about me  
I don’t get invited to red carpets I’m not on the list for fancy shows I’m not friends with all the a-list artists if there’s something cool tonight, chances are, I don’t know I don’t have a stylist or an agent I go to the grocery store alone tonight I have no scheduled engagements there is no one blowing up my phone so what do you do? you (chorus) open up the freezer get yourself a pizza preheat and bake - don’t wait it doesn’t get much easier just a frozen pizza, you don’t need a reason just a frozen pizza, you don’t need a reason don’t tell me that it’s tacky or it’s cheap those words don’t mean anything to me my power is making my own fun I can throw an afterparty for one you don’t need an invitation to party you don’t need a crown to show you’re great money doesn’t buy the stuff that matters you don’t need a reason to celebrate (chorus) adventure is your mission comfort from inside you don’t need permission give yourself the prize open up the freezer get yourself a pizza open up the freezer you don’t need a reason
shut up the voices that tell you that you’re the wrong size or say that you’re too specific to represent the problem comes not from the subject but just from their eyes and I say there’s nothing unlovable about a giant Clifford the Big Red Dog crushes both cars and men Clifford’s of epic size he would do it again Clifford is full of love stuff happens now and then but Clifford is not too big no he’s not Clifford is not too tall no he’s not if Clifford doesn’t fit then the world is too small shut up the voices that say you take too much space whenever your shoes are just tall or your dress is just tight I don’t agree that there’s anything wrong with your face no matter the scale, my friend, I think that you fit just right Clifford the Big Red Dog says that he loves you too Clifford has ruined lives but he has made it through the island knows his worth friend if you only knew… you are not too big, no you’re not you are not too tall, no you’re not friend if you don’t fit in then they’re thinking too small they’re just thinking too small they’re just thinking too small  
there is nothing she can’t do! she’s got more power than me or you! she can handle all of this. she’s Super Beatrice If the room is dark she’ll light it up so she can find her contact lens if the room is loud she’ll turn it down so she can talk to all her friends she can reach across buffets without getting salsa on her sleeves if she wants to leave a party she just leaves (chorus) when she goes grocery shopping she makes a list, it goes super fast she falls asleep when she gets in bed without dwelling on moments from her past she’s so fast she can take a pic while the kid or dog is still doing something cute when commercials come on TV she can instantly press mute (chorus) can she fight crime? yes she can, yes she can when she has the time she’ll go help Superman she can see through walls and travel at the speed of light but most problems are small and she doesn’t like to fight SUPER BEATRICE saves the innocent from harm SUPER BEATRICE gets up early without an alarm (chorus)
I finished my work on Halloween night and I pulled on my costume looking quite a sight it was current and detailed, a joke and a pun and I went to the party to hang out and have some fun I entered the house, to see a ghost and a Batman a witch, a banana, and a football fan I got everyone’s costume and was immediately sure that the outfit I made was way too obscure Nobody gets it - I’m a mystery Nobody gets it - please don’t talk to me Nobody gets it - I don’t want to admit Nobody gets it. - that nobody gets it It was a scary place, but it outdid itself because people at the party kept trying to help they were being polite about the way I was dressed they didn’t understand but kept trying to guess I told a nice person it was a play on words and the guessing got frenzied and so much worse it was such a mistake to tip my hand like telling strangers you sing in a comedy band! Nobody gets it I am full of shame Nobody gets it I don’t even want to explain Nobody gets it I’ll find a dark corner to sit Nobody gets it because nobody gets it it’s pretty funny if you’re in the know but it’s not worth explaining if you haven’t seen the show I should’ve gone the easy route and been a sexy nurse instead of Steven Sondheim Universe Oh Captain, My Captain Marvel Animorpheus The God Particle Man Sailor Moon Unit Zappa or Mad Maxwell’s Silver Hammer do you get it? Nobody gets it such a specific aesthetic Nobody gets it but I just look pathetic Nobody gets it I guess I’ve got to commit Nobody gets it because nobody gets it  
happy birthday no one here hates you everybody thinks you’re fine or even better some of us love you and we’re having a good time this is a party nobody’s trapped here it is normal and it’s good it’s not a guilt trip it’s not a prank show we’re having fun like people should it’s just a party not an audition or a friendship interview it’s not a big deal it doesn’t matter happy birthday to you
I knew a girl who was once like you and me but then she found the ocean and now she is free now she is right where she wanted to be there’s no cell towers on the open sea Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane did it make you happy to sail far away? teach us what you learned, we’ve been waiting for the day of the return of Ms. Millie Rosa Jane Millie told us all that she wanted to get out the internet had left her with a time freedom drought no number of tweets stack up to the amount of joy you recieve when you delete your account Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane you said that the ocean could liberate from pain has all of your freedom opened up your brain what have you made, Ms. Millie Rosa Jane? did she read and relax, did she live like a queen did she paint the best pictures the world has ever seen? I guess we’ll never know, ’cause we haven’t heard a thing since the day that she left in 2015 the call of the ocean is ever seductive away from the web you can be so productive but not knowing how to sail may make it destructive at least we agree that your choice was instructive Millie Rosa Jane, Millie Rosa Jane could have turned off your laptop and boarded a train you could’ve set your phone to the mode of airplane then you’d still be alive, Ms. Millie Rosa Jane  
hey future me: I got you a gift it’s an extremely detailed list of everything you’re about to achieve or have achieved already hey future me I’ve got complete faith that you’ll learn to love all the things that I hate like completing difficult tasks outside your comfort zone, and waking up early it’s a brand new year for getting hard goals met and it will soon be here but it’s not yet hey future me: there’s a lot of work to do but good news: I’ve put my faith in you you can show everybody that we can do so much more there’s no more time for waiting and it’ll be real humiliating if you aren’t ready to do everything that I’ve signed you up for it’s a brand new year and it is fun I bet the time for work is near— but not quite yet it’s all planned out and that should be pleasant all you’ll need to do is live in the present and check off each task as you fulfill the plan of our grand endeavor I’m pinning all my hopes on you I already scheduled a venue and it’ll be fine if you stay on schedule for the first time ever…. it’s a brand new year and we’ll have no regrets the future is so clear but it’s not yet  
give me something I can hold with my own hands a machine that ticks and gears I can understand make me move from place to place a puzzle I can chase a new and different kind of land I don’t want to be just trapped inside a screen I want to be held. I want to be seen I want you to be real to be someone I can feel somewhere I can rest and lean maybe I am scared or old don’t want to plug in or be bold because I think it’s worth my while to share a room with your smile to make you something I can hold  
you know a place where the acrobats swing but loud dance parties make my ears ring there’s nothing wrong if that’s your thing I just don’t wanna it makes me feel bad to visit the zoo I don’t need a conversation about U2 that doesn’t mean that I hate you I just don’t wanna I don’t wanna no no no no I don’t wanna no no no no no you like donuts so much that you’ll wait in line but I don’t need to go, and that is fine I have so many feelings and they’re just mine, I don’t wanna don’t you wanna? choose the things that bring you joy don’t you wanna? ignore other stuff within reason! don’t you wanna? no isn’t negative, it’s selective don’t you wanna? no no no no no  
I’d never been good at roller skating so I had decided not to go but lately I don’t care what I am bad at I challenged what I thought I know turns out, I’m still bad at roller skating but I’ve got no regrets I learned something, I left my house consequences haven’t stopped me yet - there’s no right answer stop taking advice do whatever you want to we’re all gonna die there are solvable problems everything has a price dance like nobody’s watching we’re all gonna die I can’t climb and I can’t ride but maybe I could if I tried I can’t fix the broken systems but it’s still worth it to resist them life comes at you lightning fast any day could be your last but there’s no good in fear or worry if it doesn’t make you act I don’t know what matters and I don’t know why I’m just making choices we’re all gonna die c’est la vie / carpe diem yolo / diy your mileage may vary we’re all gonna die I’ve erased all the rules in my internal hard disk I think my new medication may throw off my sense of risk actions can change you to outgoing from shy nothing is permanent we’re all gonna die can’t is a tough word it is sometimes a lie do things if you want to ’cause we’re all gonna die but it’s worth it to try I don’t want you to die


"The Book Was Better" is about a lot of things: gender, dogs, cats, anxiety, Halloween, and pizza are some of the things. But the big theme is this: We spend too much time yelling on the Internet, and we should all try something else. Certainly we can't stop using the Internet, that would be ridiculous. But just a tiny break sometimes, yeah — that's probably good. Go to a museum. Go roller skating and break your arm. Try to throw a birthday party and don't cancel it when you get overwhelmed at the very idea of human interaction.

It's a comedy album.


released May 10, 2019

Album written, produced and performed by the Doubleclicks (Aubrey Turner and Laser Malena-Webber) and these great people:

Aaron Wilson: production: 8. piano: 2, 6, 8, 9
Jason Charles Miller: production and guitars: 7
Mercury Shadow: fiddle and string/percussion arrangements: 9, 10, 12
Paul Sabourin: trumpet: 4
Group vocal on 9: Amy Dallen, Amy Vorpahl, Bonnie Gordon, Jason Charles Miller, Kate Leth, and Xander Jeanneret

Album art and design by Natalie Metzger (thefuzzyslug.com)
Mixed by Aubrey Turner
Mastering by Adam Boose of Cauliflower Audio


To our mom, Suzy Webber (check out her art!!! suzywebberartist.com) for following your bliss and being a supportive and rad and hilarious mom.

To our dad, Stephen Webber, for being a huge supporter, and a role model of music, biz, and badass-ness.

To our partners Richard and Justin, who are both huge nerds and delightful humans.

To Marzipan, the cat, who is perfect.

To the Old Spaghetti Factory for being conveniently located near the studio, for when we needed a pasta break.

To the House on the Rock and Wizard Quest, which gave us an appreciation for the mechanical. To all the apps that block social media from our phones so we don’t need to wander into the ocean.

To the friends we text with who keep us moving forward: Lucia, Cary, Kate, Rachael, Alice, Katie, Shadow, Jennie, Sam and all the squads in Portland and Los Angeles.

To the people who listened to our podcast “You Should Write A Song About That,” which is where most of these songs came from. To everyone who supports us on Patreon for keeping us going and funding music videos!

Thank you to our Kickstarter supporters who made this album possible, especially executive producers Stephen Webber and David Koble.




The Doubleclicks Portland, Oregon

The Doubleclicks - Laser Malena-Webber and Aubrey Turner, also known as musical duo the Doubleclicks write songs about dinosaurs, cats, anxiety, and queer feelings on the cello and guitar, and welcome you to imagine the name of that genre. Their latest project is a musical, "Teaching a Robot to Love," which is a sci-fi story about the trans experience. ... more

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