FAUN
I don’t think that Mary sees me.
I don’t think she knows how every glance makes my heart race.
It started as a quick convenient roommate assignment.
Now I’m a mouse in a maze on a messed-up chase

But I need to crack her invisible shield
So she sees me as someone in her dating field.
I think a gift is a good idea…
For how I’ll get the girl,
I’ve just got to get the girl.

I could engineer her birth flower, which is holly.
Cross it with her late dog’s DNA, her name was Molly.
Make a small barking plant that also grows berries.
Unless you think that is too Christmassy? It really screams “merry”—

But how will I get the girl?
I’ve just got to get the girl.

She wants to be taller, so that it’s easier to see.
I could add a little bone between the femur and the knee
One night while she’s asleep and she wouldn’t even know.
But she would wake up and be like “wow, oh, Faun—did you just help me grow?”

LAVENDER
Maybe not.

FAUN
You’re right, too far to go, I’m hearing you.

But how will I get the girl?
I want to get the girl.

LAVENDER
Or…let her say yes or no to a question?

FAUN
Of course! Or maybe… I could do science!

Like maybe if she had a problem and I knew just how it went,
And my sister Lavender had just given me a hint
That the storage for her programming was causing her pain,
I could engineer a hard drive from a living human brain…

Yes, that’s how I’ll get the girl,
Ah, how I’ll get the girl,
A totally normal gift and the way that I will get the girl!