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No Easy Way To Say This

from Blatant Pandering by The Doubleclicks

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lyrics

You've made a generous offer and I wish I could accept it
But I'm afraid to say you've asked me on imperfect information
I'm a danger to you and others and while I'd love to be your girlfriend
There is something you should know that introduces complications

There's no easy way to say this
but I think that I'm a vampire
My teeth are getting pointy and I stay up late at night
I don't think that you could take it
if I turned into a vampire
so you'll have to find a different date to prom.

I have mixed feelings about this entire situation
Now that I know what's happening I do feel some relief
I hate to have to hurt you, but I know that you will thank me
when my horrific and powerful transition is complete

There's no easy way to say this
but I think that I'm a zombie
I'm feeling rather sluggish and getting bored with normal food
I don't think that you could take it
if I turned into a zombie
so you'll have to find a different date to prom.

You might think that there's a different explanation
for these symptoms in a normal phenomenon
You may say that I'm getting strange ideas
from the books I read or forums I post on
But those are your excuses
Crazy stories you come up with because you're scared
This relationship is over
I can't be with you; you should give thanks that you've been spared

There's no easy way to say this
but I think that I'm Cthulu
I am longing for the ocean and so very very tired
I don't think that you could take it
if I turned into cthulu
so you'll have to find a different date to prom.
please just ask a different girl to prom

credits

from Blatant Pandering, released August 25, 2011

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The Doubleclicks Portland, Oregon

The Doubleclicks - Laser Malena-Webber and Aubrey Turner, also known as musical duo the Doubleclicks write songs about dinosaurs, cats, anxiety, and queer feelings on the cello and guitar, and welcome you to imagine the name of that genre. Their latest project is a musical, "Teaching a Robot to Love," which is a sci-fi story about the trans experience. ... more

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