When I was first learning of love as a teenager
one source gave me all my ideas and theories
Jane Austen's masterpiece book Pride and Prejudice
actually- the lifetime TV mini-series

oh that mr. Darcy, so gruff and so distant
with a sensitive spirit just waiting to shine
there's a reason for that cliche that women love jerks
it seems like such a good idea at the time

-
Oh oh oh Mr. Darcy
oh oh oh colin firth
you're tall dark and hansom
you're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth
-
When I was 19 I traveled to europe
to study and learn and go clubbing and drink
there was a cute boy in my history lessons
who hailed from near london and mostly ignored me

Of course I fell for him and his charming voice
his detachment and rudeness got me in a snap
he finally noticed me at the end of semester
took me on one date and treated me like crap

-
Oh oh oh Mr. Darcy
oh oh oh Colin Firth
you wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
you've messed up the hearts of young girls round the earth
-

When you meet a gentleman hailing from England
Don't be so impressed; hold on to your heart
Just because someone has a british accent
Does not mean they're witty or decent or smart.

When a boy treats you with tasteful indifference
When he is hansom but bristly and cold
Don't be intrigued just because he's ignoring you
Not every asshole has a heart of gold
---
Oh oh oh Mr. Darcy
oh oh oh Colin Firth
you wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
you've messed up the hearts of young girls round the earth

Oh oh oh Mr. Darcy
oh oh oh colin firth
you're tall dark and hansom
you're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth