Beta Testing 1​-​2​-​3

by The Doubleclicks

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1.
I don’t wish you were here but I miss you being here. Though the reasons you left are nowhere close to unclear. I’m completely miserable in a new and exciting way, and I gained three levels on World of Warcraft today… But I’m thankful that you’re gone And I’m thankful you can’t see how I’m getting on. I’m thankful for the great video games that came out this year I’m glad my computer can’t leave me and the Internet will always be here. I started deleting the pictures of us on Facebook, but I see your stupid face and your clothes and I can’t look. Thank god I made you shave your beard and cut your long stupid hair, but I cleaned you up for her and it’s just not fair… I bought a plant to talk to, I named it Sue, and as I watch here die, I can’t help but think about you. There was nothing that hoping, or trying or caring could do, and I don’t have as many friends as I used to… I’m thankful I had you for all of the things that you taught me, and I’m glad for all of the books and the dinners you bought me. You made me the good, strong person I am today, but I’d probably still be awesome any way.
2.
You're sure not tall, and you're not all that attractive, Cause you're a level-8 dwarf and you drink too much ale, you drink way too much ale. But you've got a nice axe and you know how to use it it's +2 against zombies and the moment you set foot in this campaign you set a magic missile on my heart and charm person on my brain Dungeons and Dragons Yes I like playing Dungeons and Dragons with you yes I do yes I like playing Dungeons and Dragons But I want to get you out of this fantasy world and into my fantasy and out of this basement and into the sun Dungeons and Dragons One time you saved me, by setting the oncoming horde of golems on fire and one time you saved me from the mouth of a volcano cause you can levitate which was a very clever spell choice and I think the other players might be starting to suspect, cause you're always saving me when shit turns to heck but this is so much more than Dungeons and Dragons (chorus)...where you could be my boyfriend and we could go out to dinner/Dungeons and Dragons As we finish this battle, and we slay the dragon and look around her lair for loot like gold and magic items, I look around this room at all these fucking nerds and their fucking dice and their primarily windows-based computers and their Doritos and Mountain Dew Everything here is disgusting but you... Dungeons and Dragons (chorus).. and into my bed, where we could have sex Dungeons and Dragons
3.
You and I met at a poetry reading, it was held on our campus and required for class. The poet was a woman. She just used long, meaningless words. We shared a couch, and a pack of instant-apple-cider mix. It was you and me, and modern poetry. You and I met at a Magic the Gathering tournament, we were playing each other in the semi-final round. I had such bad luck, I just couldn’t do it, couldn’t draw enough manna. When you won you were so kind- your hand reached out, and it shook mine. It was you and me, and modern poetry. You and I met in a web-design class, you were the star student and I was so far behind. I asked how to use javascript, and you took my hand and you showed me flash. Together, we stuck it to the HTML geeks. It was you and me, and modern poety. You and I met at a Renaissance fair, my dress was velvet and you were wearing tights. You caught my eye next to a stand selling sterling-silver rings and you asked if I wanted to see the reenactment jousting with you, it was you and me and modern poetry. You and I met at an open mic night, you were playing the bass for a heavy metal band. But when you bought me a drink you said that you “were just subbing, and you love anti-folk.” I liked your Star Trek shirt with the picture of Captain Kirk. It was you and me and modern poetry.
4.
Your email signature is “Sent from my iPhone”, you sent a pic of you dressed as an iPhone and when I looked at it on my iPhone I felt bad about myself because you think that you’re from the future, it’s so pretentious, you know, that you're so sure and when I think of the ways that we’re similar I feel bad about myself… doot doo doo doo You don’t say “font” ‘cause you always say “typeface”, you’ve got fake art prints up all over your place, and I know you’re still lovin’ that Myspace and should think twice about yourself. You update all the time on Twitter, you’ve got a Wordpress blog and a Flicker, but when you started Geo-tagging your sister, you should’ve thought twice about yourself… Nobody actually says, “I’ll ping you later.” Nobody actually does that anyway. Everyone’s already heard that you got in on the beta, but I’ve got a feeling that no one cares.
5.
I took my son on a walk last week, I ask him about his dreams. “What you want, what will you be when you grow up?” Here’s what he said back to me: I want to be a technical writer of clear and simple prose, I want to write directions and manuals, and create nothing of my own. I want to be a technical writer, I don’t want creative control, I want to bury my BA in English in a lonely, comfortable hole.
6.
you sued them, got a court date, got a lawyer, you’ve got evidence to prove it. There’s no doubt in your mind where the decision should fall, but that’s not quite how it works, you don’t get to make the call. We are the jury, we are your peers, we are a bunch of random strangers who would rather not be here. So we’ll serve justice, or something like it, and then go home. We are the jury, we have the say, we are 12 assholes that blame you for this shitty juror pay. So we’ll serve justice, or something like it, and then go home. We are the jury, we’ll probably try, but there’s no scientific way to tell between the truth and lies. So we’ll serve justice, or something like it, and then go home.
7.
You're misunderstood and when you're used, you are abused or just ignored Yours is a lonely, crowded life You sit alone between and watch them not know to treat you How does no one understand ... how.. it must suck to be an apostrophe I would not like to be an apostrophe I do not want to be an apostrophe like you Its/it's hard to be it is hard to be or hard belongs to it, to be it makes a difference in the end I bet you would rather be part of a quotation mark so you could have a friend who understands it must suck to be an apostrophe I would not like to be an apostrophe I do not want to be an apostrophe like you
8.
Welcome to our server, Leetboi92 I don't know if we have ever played with you 10 seconds in the round and I'm already dead You killed me with one shot but it wasn't in the head Noob Cannon, you've got the Noob Cannon Noob Cannon, you've got the Noob Cannon We will kick you out if you don't shortly stop Yeah you killed me but you're using the Awp Yeah you killed me but you're using the Awp Welcome to our server, Leetboi92 I don't know if we have ever played with you 10 seconds in the round and I'm already dead You killed me with one shot but it wasn't in the head Noob Cannon, you've got the Noob Cannon Noob Cannon, you've got the Noob Cannon We will kick you out if you don't shortly stop You killed me with one shot but you're using the Awp Yeah you killed me but you're using the Awp
9.
Tuesday night, it's happy hour Where all the cool co-workers go to enjoy A couple drinks; a couple extra It's fun for every lady and boy But it gets late it's time to hit it We all walk outside arm-in-arm And someone starts A little ditty We all join in; it's our favorite song... The worst thing you could do right now is Beatbox When we're all so happy and having fun I know there's music I know there's no drums I know what you want to do is go bum bum.. (beatboxing) (Oh no, please don't!) Another night, another restaurant Congratulations on scoring this first date You order drinks; you order nachos And there's an awkward silence while you wait (silence) The worst thing you could do right now is Beatbox When you're both so nervous and not yet drunk I know there's music I know there's no drums I know what you want to do... don't go bum bum.. (beatboxing) (Oh no, please don't!)
10.
Leaves grow on the trees each spring and in winter fall to the ground again If I were a leaf I'd grow on a tree If you were a leaf then you would hurt me. There's nothing wrong with me--you just broke my heart Now hold me close so I don't fall apart A metaphor for you and me: You are the changing seasons, I'm a fish far from the sea You are a thunder cloud and I'm a tall, dead tree You are Godzilla, baby... and I am me There's nothing wrong with me--you just broke my heart Now hold me close so I don't punch your face There's nothing wrong with me--you just broke my heart Now hold me close so I don't punch your face
11.
Happy Valentine's Day Do you remember when we used to go out? Happy Valentine's Day Do you remember before we had that falling out? Do you remember when I could look into your eyes without the taste of vomit in my mouth I'm not you're biggest fan, you might say In fact, I think you could definitely say that I hope life wipes that smirk right off your face and I hope life makes you sad And lonely like me... Lonely like me.

credits

released March 31, 2011

Tracks 1-5 engineered by Jake Kelly at Materials to Outlet, copyright 2010.
Tracks 6-11 recorded live as part of "Song-a-Week," engineered by Aubrey Webber.
All songs written by Angela Webber, please don't steal them!

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The Doubleclicks Portland, Oregon

The Doubleclicks are a pair of siblings who sing about cats, dinosaurs, and feelings.
The Doubleclicks' clever brand of nerdy folk music has been called "relentlessly likable" and "face-meltingly wry."
Their fans tend to be software developers, writers and their loved ones, as well as anyone who loves Star Trek, grammar, dinosaurs or video games.
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